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Sometimes…ego shows up as madness, disguised as constriction.

The squeeze, the breathlessness…the attempts to quiet you. Ever so elegantly and politely.

That is far more dangerous than any out of control fire. By the time you realize it’s happening…

It could be too late.

I speak of my own self detriment. My own need to accomplish something through the wake of loss. Have you ever felt light headed when walking? It feels like you’re floating whilst still moving forward.

And then you fall. It hurts initially…

Here comes the broken bones and bruises. You idle on how. You can blame the shoes, sidewalk, or even who was next to you.

But it’s definitely your fault.

That, and you are the only person who can loosen the boa constrictors hold, considering you are your own vice.

Oof.

I don’t care if we don’t talk about it enough, I’m expressing my own fall from grace. Except I watched it in slow motion until I was down to where, how…and why.

Finger pointing. Paper trails. Suspects.

None I was willing to accept when the spotlight turned on me.

Then one day, I realized my failure was my own orchestration. Just like slipping into the silent madness. Who’s to blame when I trip on my own feet?

Ah.

Silence. I revel over how I got to this point. Definitely broken, and broke. Definitely angry. Hurt, confused. Tossed around by life in any which way. There’s only so many times someone can lose their bearings before it’s bone on bone, and a never relieving burning sensation.

This isn’t fixed by money, or material items. This is fixed by realizing you fell in the first place. You are the only person who can redeem yourself.

You’ll be the only person who wants to.

And this isn’t to brag. Even silent stupidity hurts, I just got good at hiding the swelling and contusions.