I repressed the deepest of emotions because I felt I needed to ensure I could handle things on my own.
While that kinda fell apart, I still didn’t process my emotions after losing my mother.
How do you mourn your abuser?
She apologized for the things she’d done, but it doesn’t mean that didn’t leave me scarred or broken.
I saw her walk past out the corner of my eye suddenly. I remembered having to pick her up and move her for comfort. The tears came. I was laying behind my boyfriend, crying on his pillow and missing my mom.
When we woke up, he asked me if I was okay. When I told him, he allowed me that moment to cry. My tears are swelling up now as I type.
I didn’t mourn my mother because I was consumed with staying alive. Worried about the future. Pushing my book and music. While both matters did amazingly well, I was forcing myself to be happy. Therefore, I did not feel anything.
It was a muted madness. A spiral.
And then I plummeted against my will. Until at least…I cleared the fog from my mind. A mist I worked hard to keep at bay, flooded everything and made the air thick…
Swiping it clear momentarily seemed to make it thicker, until at last…
I couldn’t breathe.
Alas, I am freeing myself.
I held onto my boyfriend and listened to him console me until I looked up at his smiling face, realizing no time was better than the present.
In two weeks’ time, I’ll be releasing a new single. Unfortunately, Distrokid claims the sound has already been used. So, I will be releasing the single on Bandcamp. If you’d like to listen to it, a link will be available soon!
In the meantime, please check out this awesome preview, which already had 4.3k listens from Instagram.
Chapter 20 for The Fray is complete! That’s 70k words, with 30k more to go (10 chapters). I’m actually going to take a break from writing for about a week, then start on the third portion of this novel.
So far, The Ether has received nearly 9k views, and over 500 reads! I have no idea when I will release it, so it has a long way to go!