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I spent a very long time understanding my need for something. Ultimately, I realized it’s human nature. But never resorted to chopping others down to make myself feel better.

Here we go again.

Though I own a lot of jewelry, the personalized trinkets my significant other buys for me are unique. I can’t put a price tag on the love he’s shown me. He is meticulous, remembers everything, and adores showering me with surprise gifts.

I’ve grown used to it, as I have never had anyone I was in a relationship with, buy me anything simply because.

My mother understands that he buys me things. Her very first response was – “your father never gave me money or bought me anything.”

That sounds like a personal problem lady.

As time has gone on, it really has increased. We’ve planned trips, date nights, expos, piercings. We do a lot, even though we are apart. He went all out for my birthday this year, and did so for our anniversary. It’s just how he is. When I ask for a certain amount, he doubles it.

Today, she took her insults to a new low.

“When you move in, all of that will change. He won’t do it as much.”

Sincerely, her own personal experience.

I immediately stood my ground.

“We’re in the present, what does that matter?”

“I’m being realistic.”

No, she’s being mean. Firstly, would it matter if it stopped? Is my relationship based on material items? He lives out of state. Next, why so callous? Why can’t you look at us and be happy?

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” she said.

Do all narcissists ask this. Yes.

“You didn’t hurt my feelings. I’m trying to figure out why you thought that was an appropriate thing to say. This isn’t your relationship.”

She kept replying with the same answer, when I finally told her -“it’s a shame you think that way.”

She became quiet, and has refused to make eye contact since.

And I have been laughing. There is a lot still on the horizon. I’ve been openly trying to contain my laughter in her face. No, I am not mad. What a blatantly jealous thing to say.

The best way to upend narcissistic comments is to ask questions. Literally grill them. It puts them in the hot seat. They’ll keep repeating the same answer, or immediately suggest you’re upset. I wouldn’t take anything they say seriously, they want you to be just like them. Let them know you’re not upset, and that what was said was foolish.

If they clam up on you, or become quiet, it isn’t the silent treatment. They’re processing what you said (and figuring out a new tactic to disarm you)

I would enjoy the silence, and continue to smile in their face.

They see happiness and realize your life is great. It scares them because they could never.

Otherwise, they wouldn’t have said anything in the first place.