What’s something most people don’t know about you?

In my adolescence, I was given IQ tests, and it bothered my parents a great deal. I was about thirteen years old, so I didn’t really care.

Throughout my school years, many fights occurred with teachers. I was always sitting outside, not because I disrespected the teacher, but because the curriculum was basic – even in X and IP classes.

The age old, “well, what’s the answer since you know?” Me, excited because it was a favorite topic, then I’m sitting outside wondering what I did wrong.

I was always told to keep my thoughts to myself, as to not harm the gentle egos of surrounding adults. I was 15 when I realized how easily wounded supposed adults were. I was told to lower my intelligence for those not as smart me.

It turned into not showing my emotions, or saying everything on my mind. I’ve only recently started expressing how I felt, as much as possible. Afraid I would offend others, I even allowed people to step all over me and abuse me.

Never tell a child to be quiet so others can feel better about their lowly states. My mother told me that, to help ward of what she was so afraid of. I never believed in god, so she would use my intelligence against me – not because I did anything wrong…she wanted to snuff out my light. “You are not smarter than god,” she would say. I never said I was.

So, when someone becomes offended due to my “lack of a filter”, I laugh to myself. I haven’t said 99% of what I was thinking in the first place…imagine if I really let loose…

There are times to stand up for yourself, or to let things go. And I didn’t know the difference for a while, because my jealous and insidious mother programmed me to her liking so she wouldn’t feel the wrath of my ever growing intelligence.

Consequently, it has caught up with her, and although she continuously apologizes for my treatment, it doesn’t mean it’s sincere. She spent decades chipping away at me. Suddenly stopping means she is fearful of old age. If I acted the way she did towards my own daughter…I’d be afraid too. I am her only child who could physically and mentally care for her if something happens.

I have children…and while I’m not heartless, I’m also not a fool.

So the next time you read a blog of mine, or a prompt post…it’s very likely I’m holding back!