What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

When I was in my younger twenties, I fell under a cloak of insanity and hatred from a family member. Not only was my own mother lashing out at me, she had failed to instruct me properly with care of my new born, and what my body would do after pregnancy.

For years she took chunks out of me when she could – calling me lazy, fat and stating I would be a bad mother.

When you are in your twenties, you are still growing and learning. When she was being cruel, she did so to dim my light. I had already gone through hell…I felt how could it get any worse?

Parts of me retaliated, parts of me imploded. One thing I heard changed my life and how I approached my mother after.

“She is jealous of you. No mother would treat their child with such cruelty.”

How was I supposed to know anything I’d never been taught? Why place such high expectations on someone’s head, when you yourself never achieved said goals? If you’re Christian and love everyone, why are you after me?

Following me understanding as much as I could, someone else said, “you can take her out to eat and buy her things all you want…telling you she hates you and what you do doesn’t matter doesn’t make it ok because she’s your mother.”

So I stopped, and she asked, “why didn’t you buy me a Christmas gift?“

“You said you hated me,” I responded.

“I did?”

I let it go and forgave her, but it continued happening. She continued telling me I was worthless, up to no good, and so on.

Then one day, in my late twenties, I was hospitalized with ten clots, a larger one by my heart. She had the audacity to visit me and say she was sorry – this after she threw out all of my personal belongings, lied, stole food from my children, attempted to seduce an ex, and continuously verbally abused and prodded me into fights that turned into pointless nothingness.

I wasn’t sold. She was still trying to be cruel on the sly – saying slick things she thought I wouldn’t catch.

I saw a video on Instagram about three or four years ago that stated, “just because someone is your mother, doesn’t make the abuse okay.” This is also when I really started working on myself. Forgiving myself, forgiving others, letting things go.

But it’s the truth. No, being family doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to abuse and attempt to destroy someone you’re supposed to love. My mother has a history of lying, and only doing things to a certain point. Things like that come back to haunt you.

Without giving too much away, I knew I was a better mother than her…all my children are alive and well.

And people around me, random strangers, friends…other family members would watch me with my children and say, “you are such a good mother.” I loved hearing that because I would do anything for my kiddos.

The older I got, the more accomplishments I had, the more projects I finished…the more success I incurred, I realized everything my mother said was to make me…just…like….her.

So, I shall pass this collective advice unto anyone reading –

Work on yourself. Other people do not matter. How you feel matters. Forgive, forget but leave people where they are. And speak to other people about the abuse and issues instead of holding everything in, as retaliation makes you just as bad as the perpetrator.